Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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