Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
