I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
