I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize