I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
