Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
