Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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