We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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