I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
okay pat passed out under dana's car
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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