This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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