What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
