I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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