you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
