Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
