You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
