you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
