You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
