Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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