What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
