i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
