I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
