Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
