I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
