Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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