so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
