Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
