If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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