Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Randomize
