New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
