I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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