I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
