if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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