I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
