The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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