In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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