I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
