Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize