He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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