What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
