You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
