Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
