high people should be assigned attendants
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
