Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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