Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He has the fingertips of a God
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