you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
