PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
