I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
