there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
