Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
