im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Be still, my beating vagina.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
