Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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