you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
