I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
