i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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