this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
