Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
