Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize