i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
