the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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