You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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