I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize