I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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