Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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