An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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