im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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