but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize