your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
