So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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