We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
