I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
