dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
