TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
