I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
